What to talk about with an older person who is terminally ill

Sometimes it is hard to know what to say to a person who is going to die from an illness in a relatively short period of time – maybe 1 to 3 months. Every person is different as is the experience of dying.

After watching my grandmother, my mother-in-law, father-in-law and my father pass away I have become less afraid of the discussions and conversations. I do feel discomfort at times when I am with someone who is looking at the end of life, but now I feel it is more important to share time with the person and give the gift of companionship rather than to run from those feelings.

If the person is mentally aware, then I find it is best to give them a chance to laugh and enjoy time together.

The illness may prevent the person from speaking clearly or at all, but you can engage them by asking for affirmation. Keep the stories light and talk about things the person can relate to, maybe stories from old neighborhoods, work, childhood, travels, and good times. Spend time looking at old photos together.

The summer before my father passed, I took him for walks in a wheel chair along the bay. He enjoyed being outdoors and seeing people walk by pushing strollers, some on bikes and roller blades, others jogging, and some just strolling along. Seventy-five percent made eye contact, smiled, and said hello. Even that minimal human interaction was huge to my father.

If the person wants to talk about dying then listen, and don’t be afraid to laugh when the person cracks a joke about it. Try not to belabor the subject, but let the person talk freely. It is likely to make you uncomfortable, but just your listening may be the best thing you can do to help.

At Maine Warmers, we often receive phone calls from friends and relatives who are looking for gifts of warmth to for people who are terminally ill. When people are not active then circulation is poor and the hands and feet are hard to keep warm. Our Hand Warmers can also slip over the feet, or our extra large Back Warmer can be used to warm extremities as well. We are happy to talk with you about your needs and we try to ship orders within 24 hours for fast delivery.

A Sense of Self Worth

When elderly people feel they cannot produce and become independent, they lose their sense of worth and lust for life. Though they have provided for others all their lives and deserve to be on the receiving end, it is hard to give up the role that made them feel good about themselves.

As the care giver you may help elderly people stay independent by letting them do as much for themselves as they can. Waiting on them may be more detrimental to their health than having them get up out of a chair and do for themselves. Reason is the important moderator here.

Mental stimulation and good nutrition helps them stay vital. Interaction is so  important and is often not available to them as they become less mobile. Popping in on an elderly person may be the best thing you can do -- even for a few minutes each day.

Many elderly people who are inactive often feel cold. A microwave heating pad may help stimulate Maine Warmers' microwave heating pad in the shape of a Sheep offer comforting companionship. A gift of a Dachshund Dog that never has to be walked or fed may be the perfect gift for an elderly person who has cold hands or feet -- even in the summer.
circulation and help them through a difficult time with surgery or illness when their activity level is diminished.

Cold or Flu?

What's the difference between a cold and a flu? Both may include stuffy nose, sore throat, headache, cough, and fever. The flu includes body aches, chills, often a high fever, and comes on suddenly. With a cold there may be a fever, usually of no more than 102 degrees.

The National Institutes of Health has two articles showing the differences between colds and flu, with in depth expalanations of prevention, symptoms, diagnosis, and treatments.

Complications from both cold and flu may include bacterial infections which can have serious effects on elderly people. Keeping one's immune system up and running well is important in preventing these complications. Taking care of oneself during a cold or flu is important also.

According to the NIH, Tamiflu® (oseltamivir) and Relenza® (zanamivir) are two drugs approved by the Understanding Flu.

CDC that are used to treat flu symptoms within the first two days of infection. Check out their explanations in the article,

If you experience chills due to a flu you may want to use a microwave heating pad to help provide comfort and relaxation. Maine Warmers' Back Warmers and Neck Wrap can be microwaved and taken to bed without the fear of overheating while falling asleep. There aren't any electrical wires and extension cords or hot water bottles to fill. This Cozy Penguin provides warmth and comforting companionship for children and elderly people who are experiencing the chill of a flu or inactivity due to illness or surgery.