What to talk about with an older person who is terminally ill

Sometimes it is hard to know what to say to a person who is going to die from an illness in a relatively short period of time – maybe 1 to 3 months. Every person is different as is the experience of dying.

After watching my grandmother, my mother-in-law, father-in-law and my father pass away I have become less afraid of the discussions and conversations. I do feel discomfort at times when I am with someone who is looking at the end of life, but now I feel it is more important to share time with the person and give the gift of companionship rather than to run from those feelings.

If the person is mentally aware, then I find it is best to give them a chance to laugh and enjoy time together.

The illness may prevent the person from speaking clearly or at all, but you can engage them by asking for affirmation. Keep the stories light and talk about things the person can relate to, maybe stories from old neighborhoods, work, childhood, travels, and good times. Spend time looking at old photos together.

The summer before my father passed, I took him for walks in a wheel chair along the bay. He enjoyed being outdoors and seeing people walk by pushing strollers, some on bikes and roller blades, others jogging, and some just strolling along. Seventy-five percent made eye contact, smiled, and said hello. Even that minimal human interaction was huge to my father.

If the person wants to talk about dying then listen, and don’t be afraid to laugh when the person cracks a joke about it. Try not to belabor the subject, but let the person talk freely. It is likely to make you uncomfortable, but just your listening may be the best thing you can do to help.

At Maine Warmers, we often receive phone calls from friends and relatives who are looking for gifts of warmth to for people who are terminally ill. When people are not active then circulation is poor and the hands and feet are hard to keep warm. Our Hand Warmers can also slip over the feet, or our extra large Back Warmer can be used to warm extremities as well. We are happy to talk with you about your needs and we try to ship orders within 24 hours for fast delivery.